so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
