A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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