i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
