There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
