If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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