I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
