FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
