the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pray to the hookup gods
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
