So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
