i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
