She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
