At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
