Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
