If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
