there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
