I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
