can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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