Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was born a porn star she said
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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