my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
