Your face is a jimmy john
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
