Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
