I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
