I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
