i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
