We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
