Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
