and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
