a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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