some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
