I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
