i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
