my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
