On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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