Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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