imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I FOUND THE LEGS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
