false alarm. still invincible.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
