happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
