Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
