Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
