Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
