just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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