Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
