If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
