Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
