you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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