I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
