soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
