U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dick very happy bro
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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