Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
