I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
