i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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